12 weeks ago today my youngest Angel left me to join her big sister, It doesnt feel like that long, it feels like it was today, i remember how i felt that day , the panic when i woke up and realised something was wrong , i didnt sleep much last ngiht maybe an hour or so, when i woke up i felt like id been beaten up in my sleep, i woke up and felt the wind knocked out of me, like someone punched me, i checked my bed, to check that what i saw was not the same, i dont know why i checked but i did, there was no blood, i was for some reason expecting to see some. I miss Horowai dancing around, when i was pregnant she was always moving, i wondered at first was 9 weeks to early to feel her? but my doctor told me that it was fine and that some babies can be felt that early, so it was great. I loved feeling her, it was the best feeling because i knew she was ok . I dont understand what happened, i felt her before i went to bed on the 10th sept and when i woke up i felt nothing, and i tried to make her move, i tryed anything and everything i could think of , but nothing worked. I recall my doctor crying when i begged him to do something :( i mean i BEGGED , i didnt care if it was not a good look , i begged anyway, and i prayed and still nothing.
I miss you bubba and i love you so much , please be a good girl for nana and Rillee. I will see you one day, i will hold you and kiss you and never let go :( <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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I wish I could take your pain away hunni. I wish there was something I could do, to put that pretty smile back on your face. All I can do tho, is tell you that I am here, have always been here, and will always be here for you. I am so sorry for your losses. I just can't imagine what you are going thru, but I know that I am your friend, and if you ever need me, all you ever need to do is yell. xxxxxxx
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