Friday, April 30, 2010



just wanted to let everybody know that my blog is moving , the new address is , i hope you will go and have a look , i will post on there from now on and will be deleting this blog in a few days xox

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I'm going to tell you something
I hope you'll never have to know.
I'll tell you how a heart can break
And tears can constant flow.
I lost my baby girl you see,
An angel in my eyes.
God chose to take her hand one day
And led her to the skies.
But please do not forget my child.
She was a person too.
And forever she will live
Inside of me and you.
So, please don't ever tell me
That time will heal my pain
Because not even time
Can bring her back again.
Just tell me she is happy
In that land way up above
She's snuggled in an angels wings
All wrapped in Mummy's love

~ author unknown ~

Sunday, March 28, 2010


It coming up to Rillee's Day , on the 5th April it will be her one year Angelversry , the closer it get the harder it is getting :( not even sure what to say about anything or what to say to anyone anymore, its taking everything i have, all my strength to even go about my day with some sort of calm and smile , i have to do it , i have to be ok around people , so i wait until night when everyone else is asleep and then the tears roll down my face for the rest of the night :( like now , it is about 140am and once again im crying and cant find a way to stop xx i will update in a few days xx

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

i dont know what to write to explain how im feeling, Rillee's 1year Angelversary is coming up and so is Horowai's EDD

<3 <3

Friday, March 19, 2010

struggling :( xx

<3 Rillee <3 Horowai <3 Payton <3 Savannah <3 Gabrielle <3

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I can say , i am not doing well :( CAn hardly drag myself out of bed , no appetite and lost a bit of weight already , cant be bothered with anything , cant cry , just feel depressed , cant make myself go to the doctor , that officially in the too hard basket. Another family member with cancer passed away not quite a week ago , my Angels and him in one week may just be too much. Might just crawl back into bed and not deal with anything . will update another day x

<3 Rillee <3 Horowai <3 Payton <3 Savannah <3 Gabrielle <3

Friday, March 12, 2010

I am trying so hard to hold it together , my family still know nothing and i cant handle them as well. It feels like something bubbling under the surface and every once in a while a tear escapes , i wipe it away and suck it up and wait till noone is around. just feel so miserable and just cant be bothered anymore. I just want my Angels with me

<3 Rillee <3 Horowai <3 Payton <3 Savannah <3 Gabrielle <3