Savannah Dana Cherish Maidens & Gabrielle Mary Maidens 8/3/10

my twin princesses

yesterday i posted on facebook telling everybody i am pregnant , when i did i was in pain , shooting pains up and down my back. Last night it got worse so i went for an emergency scan to check if baby was ok and found out i am pregnant with twins. I have never been so surprised and excited and anxious in my life. Two babies wow. :)
was sore throught the night and today it has got worse, my back ,leg and side are really bad and i started bleeding. I have been to the doctor and had an exam and am loosing the twins , not a matter of if , just a matter of when .

They are 8 weeks gestation
and i have felt all along that baby was a girl , i still feel the same and i think that they are both girls , mummy intuition i guess you can say.

<3 savannah dana cherish & gabrielle mary <3 my twin princesses <3 <3

hmm

Hi all,
havent posted in a while. i have been flat out and dealing with some things. So many things have been happening , the most important is that i am pregnant . I need to just say that i didnt think ( being nieve me ) that i could concieve shortly after a m/c , as in one week after :-/ but it turns out that even though its not a regular occurance for people , it CAN happen and now i find myself approx 8 weeks pregnant , not even two months after losing Payton. I have been finding it so hard to deal with but am trying to make the most of it , i am so scared that something is going to go wrong but am trying to push it to the back of my mind and enjoy baby , every dash to the toilet due to morning sickness, every chocolate bar i HAVE to eat :D every ach and pain means that baby is ok.

I wasnt going to tell anybody yet for a few reasons , number one im afraid i will lose my baby as i have with my three Angels and didnt want to have to explain it to anybody , number two , i was afraid of what people would think of me , i was afraid people would think of me differently for getting pregnant so soon after Payton , its not something you hear about everyday and society doesnt like all sorts of things. I was afraid that people would think i was trying to replace my Angels , but i would never do that.
All people do need to know is that i am pregnant and that i love my baby more than i love myself and always will.
so any prayers people could spare for us would be appreciated , my baby needs to stay put and be born healthy <3

On another note , I have a strong feeling baby is a girl :D :D intuition :D if im right ( im 99% sure i am ) then her name is Savannah and if my counting is correct then she is due around oct 10th. Will know when iv been back to the doc for all my bits and peices and when i have a scan.

so thats my news and the main reason iv been taking time out , im back now and hope to update quite a bit now i am , hope everyone is well

xoxoxxoox

grr

Woke up irritated and am going to bed the same, not got any better as the day has gone on , possibly the forum i have been reading is not such a good idea , dont know

will update properly in the next few days

nite xx

I havent been on in a while but will update later today xx

Angel Baby community is raising founds to print 1st edition of AB keepsake booklets for the distribution to the maternity hospitals . We need your help to make this happen .We as, community truly believe that these books are so needed right across the globe and AB is about bringing a change to support parents need right than and there ♥

The initial cost of $1570 for 3000 books requires a further $150 for every next 1000 books to be printed .
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Just think , if you can spare a cost of a cup of coffee , you will help to support 4 - 6 angel families , for the cost of any lunch fast food meal ? 10 - 14 families will receive not only a keepsake but the link to the support , link to our community . When a child grows their angel wings , the feeling of isolation is a overwhelming. Our youngest angel is 5 weeks gestation , oldest is 8 years of age . Together as community ,we can make a difference.


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One month my tiny man

One month today Payton grew Angel wings and im not doing so well, im tired and down. Keep bursting into tears , i did fall asleep last night , but woke up about 20 minutes later holding my tummy , and at first thought i was still pregnant, when i was awake properly and realised im not it was like a knife turning in my chest and i had to get up to throw up, high anxiety today and im not sure what to do with myself.

April is coming up fast, with rillee's 1 year Angelversary and Horowai's Edd and the closer it gets to these days the more anxious and down i feel. I am missing them a lot, knowing that i should be holding Rillee and that i should also be very pregnant with bubba , AND that i should be pregnanat with Payton is making my head spin and my chest ache.

Wish my body hadnt failed my babys and myself, And it did , im not an idiot, i know it has to be me. Three babys in a row cant be a coincedence , i am the thing that stayed the same, two dads for three babys and me. Im not stupid :( and on the other hand i dont want to be going to the doctor yet to "explore" anything, i just want my children, not future children, this is not my problem, i want my Angels , i want my children who i have already failed :(( i want to be able to have them here or to see them for even a minute so i could tell them how much i love them , and tell them im sorry , to see for myself that they are safe and ok.

Trying to decide whether i should just crawl back into bed and pull the blankets over my head


<3 Payton <3
<3 Rillee <3
<3 Horowai <3

...

haven't posted in a while so thought i should.

lots of thing going on and hard to explain some of them, but i am feeling very drained and emotional, even the smallest thing set me off in either a angry meltdown or an anxious , crying one.

Not sure if im here or there, up or down.

missing my babys a lot , Payton has been an Angel for 22 days now and im struggling to find the "good" side of anything

have had a few days where all i have wanted is to be with my babys, i never do anything , but sometimes i wish i had the courage, some would say its a good thing i dont.. so i guess im stuck here for however long , doing whatever until one day things might pick up or God might give me a bit of grace and leave me be.

I am so greatful to my good friends , who have been helping me stay afloat lately, especially my adopted siamese twin , love you <3 thank you <3 ((((( <3 ))))



<3 Rillee <3 Horowai <3 Payton <3