To myself or with everyone else's egos?

I wonder if it is easier to keep things to myself , easier to keep how i feel and keep my Angels to myself , self preservation is kicking in. What people think of me does matter and its hard to talk about some things.

I am proud of all of my Angels , they are my children and i Love them more than anything.
I am not liking the attitude around me though and am unsure what to do next , it seems that if i speak of some things , people run away or think nasty things about me without knowing the full story and this upsets me.

Dont know what to think about anything anymore, am feeling numb but it is starting to wear off and i can feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface. My children are gone , my girls are gone , i didnt get a lot of time with them and i so so wish i had more time to enjoy them . I miss all of my Angels and i am heartbroken that i wont get to hold any of them , i wont get to hug and kiss them like i so desperatly want to :(

Thinking that curling up in a corner sounds appealing , shut my eyes and hope time goes quickly so i can see my babies . <3

Achey and exhausted , going back to bed i think x

fb

I am getting so fed up with facebook, there is always someone with far too much time in their hands, moaning and trouble stirring, it honesly getting pathetic and iv had about enough now. A good example is the other day , i posted on my facebook page that i was pregnant only to have someone send me a nasty message calling me a slut . WHAT?!?!?!? Some people think they know everything about everyone when they know so much less. I dont oew anybody anything and i dont deserve to be treated like that , doesnt matter how pathetic are or how horrible they feel. HELLO you dont know everything!

I love my children and i will keep talking about them, i will keep sharing them and will keep being me despite nasty people who so desperatly need to make someone else feel low because they do.

I am only a breathe away from closing my facebook profiles , the santa profile included and yes i am running the santa thejollyfatman profile. Im sick of seeing it and now being included in it without consent. You have no right to assume anything and would do well to remmember that you are not the centre of the universe nor do you have the rights to spread things that are untrue. I am only writing this post because im done with the rubbish thats flying around and because i am still upset with people and their big egos :(


<3 Rillee <3 Horowai <3 Payton <3 Savannah <3 Gabrielle <3

No words to describe how i am feeling, found out i was carrying twins only days ago, and now they are gone .. nothing to describe it x

Savannah <3 Gabrielle <3 My twin princesses <3
8.3.2010 9 weeks gestation

Savannah at check was 21 mm long and heartrate 162bpm
Gabrielle at check was 18 mm long and heartrate 158bpm

x

Savannah Dana Cherish Maidens & Gabrielle Mary Maidens 8/3/10

my twin princesses

yesterday i posted on facebook telling everybody i am pregnant , when i did i was in pain , shooting pains up and down my back. Last night it got worse so i went for an emergency scan to check if baby was ok and found out i am pregnant with twins. I have never been so surprised and excited and anxious in my life. Two babies wow. :)
was sore throught the night and today it has got worse, my back ,leg and side are really bad and i started bleeding. I have been to the doctor and had an exam and am loosing the twins , not a matter of if , just a matter of when .

They are 8 weeks gestation
and i have felt all along that baby was a girl , i still feel the same and i think that they are both girls , mummy intuition i guess you can say.

<3 savannah dana cherish & gabrielle mary <3 my twin princesses <3 <3

hmm

Hi all,
havent posted in a while. i have been flat out and dealing with some things. So many things have been happening , the most important is that i am pregnant . I need to just say that i didnt think ( being nieve me ) that i could concieve shortly after a m/c , as in one week after :-/ but it turns out that even though its not a regular occurance for people , it CAN happen and now i find myself approx 8 weeks pregnant , not even two months after losing Payton. I have been finding it so hard to deal with but am trying to make the most of it , i am so scared that something is going to go wrong but am trying to push it to the back of my mind and enjoy baby , every dash to the toilet due to morning sickness, every chocolate bar i HAVE to eat :D every ach and pain means that baby is ok.

I wasnt going to tell anybody yet for a few reasons , number one im afraid i will lose my baby as i have with my three Angels and didnt want to have to explain it to anybody , number two , i was afraid of what people would think of me , i was afraid people would think of me differently for getting pregnant so soon after Payton , its not something you hear about everyday and society doesnt like all sorts of things. I was afraid that people would think i was trying to replace my Angels , but i would never do that.
All people do need to know is that i am pregnant and that i love my baby more than i love myself and always will.
so any prayers people could spare for us would be appreciated , my baby needs to stay put and be born healthy <3

On another note , I have a strong feeling baby is a girl :D :D intuition :D if im right ( im 99% sure i am ) then her name is Savannah and if my counting is correct then she is due around oct 10th. Will know when iv been back to the doc for all my bits and peices and when i have a scan.

so thats my news and the main reason iv been taking time out , im back now and hope to update quite a bit now i am , hope everyone is well

xoxoxxoox