A herd of mooo's

Had fun last night with two good friends, mucking around and just being silly sometimes can do a lot of good, not worrying what everyone else will think and say is great. little did i know that while i was busy with our little laugh fest, my friends were doing something else for me which made me smile , it came at a good time , thank you <3

Am suppose to be going out today, to the library to take back some books which are due, but i cant. Earlier last night i went out to a presentation, i saw someone i know but havent seen for years sitting on a chair watching the goings on, all of this was fine, until is sawwhat she was holding , a baby, i new baby , dressed in pink and wrapped in a pink blanket... it was instant, like a bolt of lightning.. i got hot, sweaty, statred shaking and crying an hyperventilating, thought my lungs were going t o explode , i had to leave.. i went outside, but to get there i had to walk past a room full of people in the middle of a speech, they had all seen me by then, i guess i wasnt hard to miss :( I was so embarrassed, i still am.

I dont know if i can face the risk of that happening again, not at the moment anyway, i dont know whats wrong with me lately, everything has been so much harder and so much worse than it has been. I thought i was doing ok, with my groups and the site, but now, for some reason , everything is falling apart and i dont know how to pick up the pieces, t just seems to get harder every day.

last night, about 25 minute sleep, i cant face falling asleep and having the nightmares, so havent had more than an hour and a half max fa night for the last week, i am exhausted, forgetting things, am haevy and tired and sore. Am waiting for my doctors appointment, hopefully he can help somehow. this is not good, has taken me two hours to work on this post (thank godness for spell check and one other thing on the blog.
This is me for now

take acare all

xxooxx