lately...

Havent posted much lately, i still have not slept much , if at all. I am exhausted and feeling very down. My youngest Angel grew her wings 10 weeks ago, but it only feels like yesterday, well no, it feels like today and im struggling to stay afloat.

Am not sure how much longer i can keep this up, i just want to curl up and dissapear more and more, this feeling isnt going away anym ore, before it was just on occasion i felt this bad, now it is constant.... 24/7

If i could just have them back t his would all go away, i would be ok , instead i say "im fine" when im not, and i try to seem ok, just niot doing a very good job lately :( There is no instruction book for this, nothing to tell me what to do and how to make this pain go away, it never will, i just hope that one day it will not be so bad as it is now. I suppose its because 10 weeks is not a long time, its only 2 1/2 months , im not sure, but i do know that this is geting too hard and i am too tired, tired isnt even the word anymore, exhausted is closer, but still doesnt feel right. Nothin g does right now

<3 <3 <3 mummy loves and misses you so much my little babys :'( <3 <3 <3